Our new Secretary of Education gets right to work

[Kim Yonkee]

WASHINGTON -- The nation's new education secretary denounced PBS on Tuesday for spending public money on a cartoon with lesbian characters, saying many parents would not want children exposed to such lifestyles.

The not-yet-aired episode of "Postcards From Buster" shows the title character, an animated bunny named Buster, on a trip to Vermont -- a state known for recognizing same-sex civil unions. The episode features two lesbian couples, although the focus is on farm life and maple sugaring.

Well I, for one, am glad that the new Education Secretary got right to work on this critical issue. She asked PBS to give the federal money back that they used to produce this egregious bit of porn. Yes, PBS is producing pornography with our tax dollars, America! They are trying to show imaginary, animated lesbians standing around under animated maple trees talking to animated bunnies to our helpless, impressionable youth!

Whew! That was a close one. Good thing that our new Education Secretary put this urgent matter at the very top of her to-do list.

New national textbook standards are expected soon, featuring US maps with the former State of Vermont excised. "It's not the function of this administration to promote a lifestyle that offends good, God-fearing, red blooded Americans," said Secretary Spellings. "We've decided to remove Vermont from the US map so that teachers won't be forced to explain the evil, wicked things they do up there to our helpless, impressionable youth."

Massachusetts is the next state slated for removal from the US map, according to administration sources. "It's going to be a lot tougher to get Massachusetts out of the textbooks," said one. "There are just so many history thingies and dealie bobs about Massachusetts that will have to go. It's a big editing job. But when it comes to protecting our nation's youth from the homosexual agenda, we're willing to give it our all. Here at the Department of Education, we've got our priorities straight."

[Two 6 Pac]

Seeing that this administration has “Mr. Pea Body’s Way Back Machine” locked into high gear it won’t be long until I can go back to wearing my Leisure Suits.

[OvertheRiver]

Is the bone of contention lesbian bunnies or lesbian humans? You know, after the "Sponge Bob Scandal", I just had to ask http://www.geekfest.com/ubb/wink.gif

I wonder if the Sec'y will ever realize how silly he looks?

[Kim Yonkee]

Oh golly! Now you've done it! You've gone and said the L-word right out here where you can burn the ears and eyeballs of our helpless, impressionable youth. Now they're going to have to edit the dictionary too.

I don't think the bunny is a lesbian. I think the bunny just sees lesbians and passes out with shock right under one of those Vermont Maples.

Buster sounds like a boy's name, don't you think? I guess Buster could be a butch lesbian. But I think Buster is a boy. In fact, I think Buster is a gay boy bunny ... and he's DATING Sponge Bob!!!

No wonder the Secretary of Education is so worried.

[Two 6 Pac]

This is getting awfully confusing!

[OvertheRiver]

Originally posted by Two 6 Pac:
This is getting awfully confusing!

.....and THAT's the problem with the recent upsurge in sexual orientation issues within our cartoon community....

[RWhite]

Maybe this is a positive sign. Since the Secretary apparently wants policy set by what "many parents would not want children exposed to", just think of all the programs the Secretary must oppose because I don't want my kids exposed to it.

[becsflowers]

Lesbian RABBITS?
LOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

So THAT'S how they keep the population down!

Madame Theresa says, "They go gettin' lesbian chickens on us, and I'll soon be out of chickens..."

WHAT a CONCEPT! Now, out here in the COUNTRY, I could use some lesbian MICE. Anybody have any?

[Two 6 Pac]

Lesbian RABBITS?

Hunting Easter eggs will never be the same!

[Hermit of Hogscald]

Now you have my curiousity raging.

My first obvious question is: How do they KNOW these cartoon characters are lesbians? Until today, the sheer idea that cartoon characters had sexual organs is a concept that had never even crossed my mind, a fact amazing in and of itself considering all the very wierd thoughts that have found a home in this head. None of this makes any sense at all unless one assumes that cartoon characters actually have a libido and a sex drive. I mean, how do you check something like this? I had always considered toons as kind of asexual creatures that reproduced in unique ways unfettered by the laws of nature. The idea that animations are bound by the same laws of nature as us mortals just doesn't seem to fit with observed data, not that observed data is something that has ever seemed particularly relevant to right-wing fanatics, but anyway, to wit: drop a safe on me, I probably die, but not a problem to Wily Cayote. A toon can tread air in total defiance of the laws of gravity (until he looks down and realizes his situation of course), if I try the same thing, the number of broken bones and the length of hospital stay is inevitably directly proportional to the height of my stupidity. Not matter how hard I claw at the air, I still start to fall instantly, in my world gravity doesn't seem to care if I am aware of its influence or not.

Now I have to take into account that toons have the same concerns as the rest of us. As an animator myself, I had always considered toons somewhat gender nuetral, it didn't even matter what their sexual orientation might be, a sexual orientation of an animated character had always seemed unimportant and irrelevant to me, but since the government is now saying that it is of concern, by necessity, it becomes a concern of mine.

Does this mean that in the future I must draw all my characters as anotomically correct? This is important, because if ever questioned by a goverment investigator, I feel I must be able to prove that I am not violating the code of ethics and exposing children to perverted lifestyles.

This is a real problem for an animator, because things like sex change operations for toons is no where near expensive as it is for us mortals, no hormones or complicated surgical procedures or implants, not an ounce of silicon, just 30 secs with an eraser and zap, he's a broad. This makes sex change operations for toons so easy that it makes it very hard for the animator to keep control of his toons, toons with overactive out of control libidos sometimes switch sexual orientations at the drop of a hat. We all remember Bugs suddenly cross-dressing and planting a big old kiss on Elmer Fudd. I have to warn you from personal experience, toons are one partying bunch of whackos capable of all kinds of aberrant behaviors, even sadism, you never know what a toon might do next, funny thing is, thats why everyone loves them.

I have always been comfortable around toons, I suppose this is because of my early indoctrination into their perverted world. I just had never looked at the through the eyes of someone with adult sexual obsessions. Now I have come to realize the reason I am so totally accepting of someone despite their sexual orientations or abherrations is that my mind was molded subconciously by the manipulations of those with sexual agendas. I never knew Rocky and Bullwinkle were secretly trying to convert me to homosexuality, now is see it with new eyes.

Bullwinkle....c'mon, how much more obvious can you get? Bull winkle? Oh yea, and Rocky!
Really folks, Rocky? These guys must have been the original test subjects for Enzyte. The flying squirrel has a real high voice, and the moose has a lisp, how could I have been so blind as to never see how obviously I was been indocrinated?

Now I have visions of Rocky and his protege locked in various positions, doing things that only would be possible for toons considering their vastly differing masses (not to mention that immortalized winkle, in a squirrel already? Even Wily would take a few to recover from that one). Learning is a process of seeing and understanding things from a new viewpoint, and I will ever be grateful to our new Secretary of Education for opening my eyes to this whole new world of revelations.

As my understanding of this major problem grows, I can see the depth to which this secret organization using toons has invaded the entertainment media, particularly as it affects our children. The problem goes back much further the Sponge Bob, or even Tinky Winky, although they were among the first of the toons to so courageously come out of the closet. Looking through my pair of ultra-right smut-colored glasses, I can trace this problem back to the very beginnings of the cartoon industry.

As they say at Disneyworld (the real one, not the one in Washington), it all started with a mouse. In the beginning there was Mickey (at this point, everything looks fine through my ulta-right smut shades, this was pure creationism). As long a Mickey drove his steamboat and just whistled, everything was fine. Then some perverted animator decided Mickey needed a girlfriend, and just like in Eden, the trouble started. My smut shades are kicking in.

Mickey and Minnie weren't actually married I guess, as Mickey had to "go see Minnie" (whatever that meant), so they weren't married in the traditional sense, or at least they didn't live together. I know they often went on vacation together and slept in the same tent, so I suspect they were more than just friends. I also know they had some close friends who were ducks, perhaps they prefered to remain single and explore the world of sexuality without constraint, although it might be they were swingers. I know the Ducks had three nephews, although since the aunt or uncle has never been seen, it is rumored that the "nephews" were actually the illegitimate offspring of the unmarried Ducks.

If these early toons were not living up to the professed sexual mores of their day, at least they were good enough to keep their activities under wraps and unobvious, as any good moralist would. But times would change, because toons soon discovered that they lived in a universe without real consequences, and they could be more and more obvious in spreading their insanity.

Meanwhile, the animators themselves were getting swept up in the spirit of depravity. They created Mighty Mouse, that tiny but impervious hard as a rock flying muscle that spent his whole existance beating up hundreds of pussy cats. Underendowed animators got caught up in this for a while, and the little mouse beating up the pussy cat became the standard for a while.

Snow White did cohabit with those seven men for a while, each of them unique. Evidently, none of them was truly fulfilling (perhaps because they were dwarves?), because Snow settled down when the right one came along, and has not been heard from since. Beauty is still big on the Beast, although I have heard she was quite the Nymph before he came along. But though these toons may have been perverted in their own ways, with the exception of our squirrel and moose, they were pretty much straight.

Now we have this homosexual problem happening in Toonland. It was alright as long as they kept it in the closet, but now that it is in our faces, it is time to get the government involved, what else is a government for anyway, and after all, it is to save the children. We would not even have this problem were it not for a few liberal animators from Massachusetts, we would not be facing this issue of constitutional importance.

I am at a disadvantage here because I have not seen the movie in question. How did the enforcers from the office of public decency discover that these particular toons were actually living together? Did they greet their viewers with, "Hello, we are your Vermont Lesbian living together Maple farmers?" This could all be just a horrible mistake you know, perhaps these particular toons are not Lesbians at all, perhaps they are sisters working an inherited family farm, has anybody even bothered to check the birth records to see if they are related (of course, if they are related, and found to be engaging in sexual activity in their spare time, it may bring up the whole prospect of incest, (make note, check all educational movies for possible promotion of incest). Now I can understand why the Dept. of Ed might be concerned if these toons were less than circumspect in how they kept their house while they were entertaining children, I mean, if they were leaving their dildos and S&M gear laying around in plain sight at these times, that would be unacceptable. But has anybody yet actually checked to see if these toons are both actually female? It could be as innocent as one of them being a cross-dresser. The only way we can ever know for sure is to create a position within the Department of Ed, that way there can never be a question. We can call this new position "animated penile inspector" or some such other impressive title, and it can be his job to drop the pants of every toon and verify its actual sexuality (I'd even check Jessica Rabbit, could be a trans-sexual Drag Queen for all we know). We need to consider how we can monitor the sexual activities of toons when they are not working. There won't always be the animated version of Linda Tripp around when it is important.

I can only hope that some day, we will become more accepting of our toon friends, and they will be allowed to marry and live in peace, free to enjoy all the benefits allowed to hetero human couples everywhere. Until then, I guess we must all live in a world of official Department of Education Penile Inspectors. Sorry Bullwinkle, it would have been better for everyone if your secret hadn't slipped out, but I still love you man, even if you are gay.

[becsflowers]

"There won't always be the animated version of Linda Tripp around when it is important."

LOL! Isn't THAT the truth.

[OvertheRiver]

Originally posted by Hermit of Hogscald:

I am at a disadvantage here because I have not seen the movie in question. How did the enforcers from the office of public decency discover that these particular toons were actually living together? Did they greet their viewers with, "Hello, we are your Vermont Lesbian living together Maple farmers?" This could all be just a horrible mistake you know, perhaps these particular toons are not Lesbians at all, perhaps they are sisters working an inherited family farm, has anybody even bothered to check the birth records to see if they are related (of course, if they are related, and found to be engaging in sexual activity in their spare time, it may bring up the whole prospect of incest, (make note, check all educational movies for possible promotion of incest).


You know, the same thought occurred to me. I mean were these "lesbian couples" wearing signs labeled "I am gay?", or is the Sec'y just making the assumption that no two same sex people can live together and NOT be gay?

Does there even have to be a sexual preference even assumped or addressed? This is a cartoon, for goodness sakes. Is sex even a theme in the show??

Oh, MY!! http://www.geekfest.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[ComeAgain???]

Next on the hit list could well be "Dairy Queen" (I'm sure that you can understand the hidden message in that name!)

These are steps that must be taken for our own good. If this isn't stopped who knows what could come next. Lying to Congress! Invading an other country! Making up problems with Social Security! Telling people to go F themselves!There is no end to the possible dangers that prompt action now can save us from.

[Two 6 Pac]

Originally posted by Two 6 Pac:
This is getting awfully confusing!

So Batman and Robin were an item?
Cisco and Poncho?
Lone Ranger and Tonto?
Butch and Sundance?
Simon and Simon?

Heckel and Jeckel?
Yogi and Boo Boo?
Felex and The Master Cylinder????
Clutch Cargo and that Mid Eastern dude?

What about The Three Stooges? (was that French)

[Hermit of Hogscald]

Mr. 6 Pac, you don't even want to get started on what you can see through those smut-colored glasses:

Peter Pan and TinkerBelle? A fairy named Tink? Pete tried Wendy for a while, but did return to the Lost Boys and his fairy friend.

C'mon kids, everyone can play, kind of an intellectual hide the salami, find the homosexual perversion in your favorite cartoons.

Just leave Alice out of it, she is just a doper, eating them mushrooms and hanging with smoking caterpillers and all. Well, maybe her too, didn't she play some games with the "Queen of Spades"?

The only answer may be a constitutional amendment banning all toons, just to be safe.

Wow, finding the sexual perversions of cartoon characters, I think I'm turning into a Republican. Asa will be home soon, maybe we could get him involved in some investigations and prosecutions, he has experience in that field.

[becsflowers]

Wow! What's next? Visa & Mastercard?

[Two 6 Pac]

I think I'll activate my "V" chip before it's too late.

MasterCard & Visa? Take it another step:

American EXPRESS! My, no stamina at all!

[gayle]

As I understand it....buster bunny was visiting two lesbian couples in Vermont....lesbian farmers I think....living that "fabulous gay lifestyle", you know the one Kim, feeding and cleaning up after pigs and the like! http://www.geekfest.com/ubb/wink.gif For shame! Do we want our kids exposed to FARMERS???????????????

[Kim Yonkee]

Well, I'm certainly glad to see that we are giving this matter the serious consideration it deserves.

OTR, every time I read your comment about the recent upsurge in sexual orientation issues within our cartoon community, I laugh out loud. I think I'll put in on the fridge so I'll always have it to comfort me.

I'm going to have to defer to your superior knowledge of consistent standards of justice, RWhite. It looks like Hermit is well qualified to write a position paper for your review and consideration. Can you boys collaborate on a study of random drug testing of cartoon characters and "chastity-only" sex education for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Get back to us with your findings?

Becs, we usually have a lot of lesbian mice in the feed shed, but our cats are real gay-bashers, so I'm not sure I can catch the little deviants quickly enough to relocate them to your oasis of tolerance.

Hermit ... I stand in awe of your erudite analysis of the dangerous, subversive homosexuality that's present in every one of our most cherished cartoons. I had no idea ... no idea! [shaking head] how prevalent this wickedevil attitude really is. Thank you for enlightening me. I will certainly be slamming my Happy Meal toys right back at the sinister faces of those smarmy propagandists at the McDonald's drive-up window from now on.

Gayle, you've helped me out a lot here. All this time, I've been thinking that the glamorous, gay lifestyle involved jewels! Fashion! Martinis! Disco balls! I've been sulking for years because I was feeling left out. But now you tell me that what America is actually afraid of is farmers? Great! OK... I get it. THAT makes total sense to me!

We've got pitchforks and any number of odd, sharp, ominous-looking Implements. Enormous, steaming piles of manure. Disorderly herds of critters that oink and scratch and snort and ram your shins with their rock-hard snouts. Yeah, I get it. I can see where the US would want to pass a constitutional amendment to save itself from us.

[Jan Ridenour]

And we have the perfect car for the new Secretary of Education to drive...

Yep, this is no sissy car. No lesbian bunnies or sponges have ever touched this baby. Driven by a straight guy.

And if you click here, you'll see that it is all set up to ram those pesky lesbian bunnies and other cartoon characters right outta your way with its stylish grill guard.

http://www.geekfest.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/001256.html

but wait, there's more...

we also have a new office for the Sec of Ed.

Very secure, as you can see 360 degrees and if ya see the queer bunnies or some of those freaky sponges coming at ya, you can pack this up in your Jeep and head off to safer ground...like the Bush lawn for instance.

http://www.geekfest.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/001240.html

Carry on...

[Hermit of Hogscald]

It was with some trepidation I actually turned on the news tonight (avoiding the consequences of the recent election has included withdrawing CNN from my viewing habits, for the sake of my sanity and mental well-being). I needed the rest of the story on these abherrent toons. I was relieved to discover that we were not talking about perverted toons at all, just perverted real life warm-blooded, nether-region lesbians.

At least, this is what I was led to believe. The assumption was made that the two female "couples" were actually these feared corrupters of children. While CNN only showed a short clip from the program, I am sure that they chose a clip free from all the sexual activities that I am sure must have permeated the rest of the movie.

Of course, I still have the same question about these real people as I did about my maligned toon friends. How am I to know these were actually the evil lesbians, and not some innocent alternative similar to the other possibilities I allowed my toons? Could they not have been sisters, certainly the rapidly declining economic situation in this country has caused families to pull together out of necessity. And are we absolutely positive that both parties are actually legally female? Could this not again be a case of mistaken sexual identity, has the official pecker checker actually seen the sexual organs of those involved? Could we not be looking at a perfectly acceptable cross-dresser or transvestite, and not the feared "I want to marry another female and spend our lives together" lesbian?

I am relieved to find that my friends the toons have not yet fallen under the jurisdiction of the religious right. At least in this new era of moralistic repression, I am pleased to discover that my toon buddies have managed to escape oppression that the rest of us must endure. The other news story that caught my interest as I attempted to get the lowdown on the toon story was the "celebration" of the 60 year anniversary of the liberation of Aushwitz. Considering the amount and depth of hate being practiced currently by those who profess to have the responsibility for protecting our moral purity, that story seemed particularly ironic, a warning if you will, of exactly where that type of thinking eventually leads.

But since my original concern about my toon friends being oppressed is unfounded, and I have discovered that the only ones who must suffer this hate-mongering oppression are real life human beings, I am much relieved, and must now fall back on the immortal words of Rosanne Rosanadana and say:

Never Mind!

[Kim Yonkee]

Oh Hermit! Did you actually SEE the horrible animated deviant sex promotion video?

You're a brave man.

I was so afraid that I would be unwittingly led into the sinful, homosexual lifestyle ... I was afraid to even turn on the TV.

[b lake lady]

"I never looked at it through the eyes of someone with adult sexual obsessions"

Me thinks "obsession" is the key word here. This is so far out that when I first read it, I thought it was a joke. Those who come up with this c*** are deranged.

Does anyone remember when the "Tarzan" series was banned because there was no documentation that Tarzan and Jane were "married?"