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sweetness&light
06-18-2002, 01:05 AM
Have you, perchance, happened upon my Auntie Toodles La Rue?
She marinates in perfume, smelling like Monsieur Pepe Le Pew.
She wants everyone to know she's a high bred French sow,
But she's just from a barnyard litter born next to a cow.

She started putting on airs and pretending she was French
When she learned her litter's fate was Spam; that was the wrench.
She didn't fancy being pushed into a square can of meat that opens with a key.
Her dream was of satin, lace and a huge platter of eclairs; that was her cup of tea.

The day the meat packer was due to pack up the pigs,
She jumped on a freight train headed south for new digs.
She made a slight mistake in geography and ended up in Paris, Texas,
Where she became enamored of a rich vegetarian driving a Lexis.

He turned out to be a dress designer and a questionable old coot,
But he transformed Toodles to a Parisian sow with all of his loot.
Some of his money, she invested in pork bellies,
And soon with her profits, bought several delis.

From the delis, she branched out to dabbling in strudels to noodles,
Which is what brought her next passion of breeding standard French poodles.
Her motto was: Whatever you buy, make sure it's oodles.
You can quote me on that, boys...you heard it from Toodles.

She dressed in tight skirts split up to her pork shank.
The finest French champagne was all that she drank.
Her blouses were cut down to reveal her rack of baby back ribs,
With her ample bosom pushed up like two unbelievable fibs.

Golden curls all piled in a heap atop of her head,
Covered with a hat full of feathers and most of them red.
She was quite a sight from the garters of her black fish net hose
To the end of her painted and white powdered pig's nose.

She knew how to strut her stuff and how to sashay,
How to collect and just how much they should pay.
She knew how to slip into being the most proper French lady
And then back to her naughty fun self, just a little bit shady.

There are more stories about Toodles saved for another day,
Such as the sliding fee she charges men to pay if they play.
If you believe in sweetness and light, you know this pig's tale is true
About the silken eared French tart known as Toodles La Rue.

Becky Davis
06-18-2002, 06:48 AM
Hats off to your Auntee Toodles LaRue!
Any kin to Lash or Louisiana?

sweetness&light
06-18-2002, 06:52 AM
I think she married them both....maybe at the same time....she hates wasting time.

just wondering
06-18-2002, 01:12 PM
Sweeness, When I was growing up we had abig black curley haired dog named, you guessed it: Toodles( for too odd to be a poodle, but she was a fine retriever!)

sweetness&light
06-18-2002, 02:42 PM
So was Auntie.