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PMilam
10-26-2010, 04:58 PM
There have been hints.. and I've bared all on FB, and know that there are still FB hold outs.. so here's what's going on with me.. and I blame some of my grumpiness on this..

I've been ailing for 6 weeks now, getting worse as the days pass... tests, scans, high contrast scans, mri's, more of the same.. Mon. a nuclear scan of my gall bladder.
Seems my that my gall bladder is working at about 27%. And the retro peritoneal fibrosis (rpf) is worse, making my kidney functions not right either. So far no one has used the "C" word, so that is encouraging.

I'm seeing a cardiologist tomorrow to ok me for surgery.. I saw a wonderful surgeon in Rogers last Wens.. she will take the gall bladder out, laparoscopic ... most likely on Thurs. While I'm "under", a urologist will put stents in to keep my rpf from shutting off my kidneys.. sweet, huh..
When I'm healed enough from that.. prednisone. Should make for a fabulous 65th birthday!!

I have not broken down.. just feel so weary. Cooking, visiting, dog feeding.. can't do any of that.. well, I can feed the animals.. usually. But it sucks.. thank goodness for diagnosis and prospects for feeling better soon!

Shane has been visiting from Portland.. and he is doing great. Since he has no place here to stay with the Kole n Audrey, they have been out here a lot. He screened in the back porch.. and they "helped".. it was glorious weather.. and just to be on the porch watching them was a big lift to my spirit.

We even had a little crisis the other night.. Audrey fell and split her chin on the concrete floor. Calmly her dad explained what was going to happen.. and we talked about our experiences with needles, stitches.. she was cool as a cucumber as she laid back in her daddy's lap, just tearing up when the deading needle went in.. then her interest was in the thread. She stared into my eyes.. her Bubba watched.. and she was smiling when it was over.
I've seen so many kids kick and scream and fight and have to be held down... she amazed us all.

Craig has been learning to cook!! Of course he gets home late, so it's mostly the weekends.. but what a delight.. he made some fantastic potato soup last weekend.. made pancakes the past 2 weekends.
Don't know how I would get by without him!!!

So.. these next few days.. a week or so, give a little thought to me, please.. send a little light this way.

thanks,
Patt

DaBee
10-26-2010, 07:22 PM
More than just a little thought focus on you, Patt. I'll be there with you in Spirit. Love you.

Frank Bland
10-27-2010, 09:52 AM
Like a lazer beam....
Love and Light

Annie2
10-27-2010, 07:02 PM
Oh Patt, I was hoping all the surgery was behind you. I will keep my candles lit for you. You've just been through so much and I think you're the most courageous person I've ever known. (even tho we've never met personally) I've just started doing face book so I'll see if I can find you there.

Old Thing
10-29-2010, 07:43 AM
Patt, I send you all my best thoughts and wishes for speedy recovery and return to good health in the very near future.

PMilam
10-29-2010, 09:40 PM
Thank you all... there is light ... I can see it ...
It's strange.. after the hell of one of the tests, a "resting stress test" which gave me a raging headache.. threw up, during the test.. and had a little time to rest in a recliner... that test was good...
and they wanted me back in an hour.. we went to Home Depot.. and I leaned on the cart.. walked from one end to the other .. made a deposit (which the techs were hoping I could do.. I'm so full of shit.. they couldn't hardly see my heart.) Anyway, walked for about 45 min.. It's sort of like seeing light at the end of the tunnel.. you begin to pick up energy.. from knowing that it is not going to keep going on like this forever!

got a rainbarrel that hooks up to the new gutters.. a few odds and ends as we walked.. Craig got a heavy chain, for pulling cars out of the mud.. and the middle of the river.. some people are so stupid!! we got some red and green lights for the porch.

Anyway.. why I'm still up I don't know.


I can't wait to get back in the living world.. I started a list of all the things I would do if I could, right now.. hoping that some of them might get done before I can... cause, just lying around, I can come up with a lot of ideas.. figured out where I want the strawberry patch.. where I want a dog shelter.. cause I don't want the back porch to go back to having a dog hair carpet. Where the dirt is going .. what plants need to be moved where.. where trees need to go... all things I could and would be doing, if I could.
The gall bladder surgery should not be bad.. I've heard from quite a few people that I had no idea they had that surgery.. They all said it was not bad and they felt so much better when it was gone.

The stents.. stints.. whatever.. sound sucky.. but, supposedly will relive the belly swelling.. that and the gb being gone.. I still don't know for sure if she is going to biopsy the fibrosis.. I want her to.. and the only choice there if it is "C" is chemo.. can't remove it.. I will not do radiation again.

then prednisone.. got to read more about that. Two weeks to 65.. my mcr starts on Monday.. I have little idea what it will mean to me. We still have the "Mercy" ins.. but that will be secondary.

Anyway.. I should crawl in bed.. and let the radioactivity ooze out of my body.

Thank you for letting your love light shine on me!!

Carra I send you healing thoughts too.. I hope you are feeling some better. I can't believe how we have played visit tag for so long!

juniper
10-30-2010, 05:06 AM
A huge tight hug to you!!! XXX

DaBee
10-30-2010, 08:59 AM
It is so cool how you share your life with us, Patt. You've been so open and honest and a true sister to us all. After reading this last post, I was thinking about how great it would be if more folks were open like this......even just a little bit. I feel that this attitude is a healing aspect that is necessary for recovery. It's the positivity of your trust that others will hold your life gently and lovingly as they focus on you with healing thoughts. You help us heal, also, with your honest, positive outlook. Blessings to you, Patt and may your surgery and recovery be without incident, test results be of the benign nature; and with ease and comfort.
Love you, sweet sister.

mtnviewsteve
10-30-2010, 07:12 PM
~HiGh beam Healing LiGhT Patt~

patmatsukis
10-31-2010, 01:25 PM
lots of beams your way dear sister..and all of your family, too.

PMilam
11-01-2010, 12:53 PM
Aw... now, I'm tearing up... Sometimes my kids will give me the "Oversharing or TMI" look..
I guess I'm through with secrets.. tho I do keep a few hidden in the recesses.. my feeling is that if I am honest and open.. it will encourage someone else to be.. I think secrets, or fears, or omg.. do I have cancer thoughts are kept inside they hurt us.
I swear.. it was the knowing that so many people were thinking of me, as I was being wheeled into that last godawful surgery.. that calmed me. The fears left.. I saw the faces of those whose faces I know.. and felt the energy from those far away, those I've never met. My breathing calmed... I was not afraid.
Saturday.. I didn't know if I could stay long, or even stand.. but.. I did.. for over an hour.. something I've not been able to do for over a month. In the days before.. it was hard to even sit up.. I had so little energy.
I wonder if there is a way to monitor energy in a given space. The park was full of so much love, compassion and caring.. only Kevin could not be lifted up. I have come to feel sad for the man with the empty eyes.
I no longer wish to fear those with the empty eyes.. but there are times when I cannot contain the raw hatred I feel for those that spew hate.
I'm a mixed bag right now..

Surgery will be at 1:45 tomorrow in Rogers.. 2 parts, gall bladder and stents between the kidneys and bladder.
If all goes as planned.. I should be back home on Wens. DaBee is on the list of folks that Craig will be contacting.. so if there is anything different, feel free to share, Deb... well, not gory details.. but.. you know..

Thank you for all the support that many of you have given me these past 7 years.. my wish is that I will be strong again.. and can offer support when you need it!!

thank you my dear sisters and brothers..
Let your love light shine!!

MotherMoon12
11-02-2010, 07:58 AM
We will be burning candles and sending healing, calming light.

lunarmist
11-02-2010, 08:08 AM
Love and light always focused on you from here, Patt.

MotherMoon12
11-02-2010, 08:15 AM
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=ozark

DaBee
11-02-2010, 09:24 PM
Patt is out of surgery and recovering well.

DaBee
11-03-2010, 07:24 AM
Patt will be going home from the hospital this morning. Positivity and focused healing light at its finest!

DaBee
11-03-2010, 11:01 AM
We're all one big family

http://i51.tinypic.com/2qv8oih.jpg

Teresa DeVito
11-04-2010, 08:41 AM
What a great pic. Healing light focused on you both.

PMilam
11-06-2010, 09:18 PM
Keep it coming..

from Craig

We got some BAD and surprising news yesterday. Patts pathology (actual tissue report) came back: cancer in the gall bladder and cancer in the mesentery (membrane covering the bowel). The specific tissue type is metastatic lobular breast cancer. I came home at noon yesterday and Loretta was here. all our kids know, Grandkids have not been told. Naturally, we are sad and surprised and shocked. The surgeon, Donna Johnson,graciously and thoughtfully called Bill Flake, our general surgeon here in Berryville and he came over to the clinic to let me know,yesterday. I called both Donna and Patts oncologist, Malcolm Hayward. Malcolm and Donna will be talking. Malcolm will let us know Monday what options for treatment are.

So, what we were calling retro peritoneal fibrosis is cancer. All us docs are shocked and scratching our heads. Bill said he had never seen this. We speculate that her immune system is strong, in that it has seemed to isolate, or wall off the cancer. What looks like fibrosis is really a sheet of cancer covering the mesentery.

I do not mean to be too graphic, but I want you to have a better idea what it is. Keep praying for healing this specific thing. We feel your love and prayers. We love you all and look forward to seeing you soon. She is up, now,at her computer and doing better. The hardest part of the day is when she first gets up. Alannah is here and a huge help and Dave just now got here. Shane and kids are here and he finished our screen porch and is doing other handy stuff.

It's slow to seep in.. tho, time, grace, energy and love will deliver us through these days.

DaBee
11-07-2010, 07:43 AM
I have been without words since hearing from Craig. I will speak my feeling now.
My heart is saddened, yet I know that as all of us align with hope and love and focused healing intention, Patt will walk to the other side of this dark valley, resting high on the mountain of good health and vitality. May you be at ease and with comfort through these days of healing, Patt.

MotherMoon12
11-07-2010, 08:39 AM
This news really sucks. However, we are all practiced in the sending of healing light and love and that will be on high as long as necessary. We love you so so much Patt and Craig.

Old Thing
11-07-2010, 08:47 AM
Patt, I search for words that would express my sad feelings for you and your big problem. You are and will remain deep in all my thoughts and prayers over these conditions. I send a constant stream of light and love to you now, and far into the future.

Michael Walsh
11-07-2010, 12:27 PM
Patt, I'm guessing getting to the PDA required just about all the stamina that you had in reserve. I'm all the more grateful, now, that you were there. And I hope you will continue to recall all the happy and loving people, all the friends who embraced you, and let it prop you up now as you propped everyone else in Basin Park that day.

shuggie
11-07-2010, 01:08 PM
I do not believe in the healing light.
However, I am devoted to friends laying hands on those that are ill. Or, even down in the dumps too.

So, Red, if ya want a mass of hands upon you, to the music of You Are My Shinning Star, pick on us wittle women.
But if you are more in need of funny women's videos, then pick some of my collection.
I am in B'ville M-W-F so it would not be a hassle to drop them off at Craig's office.

EAT LOTS OF CHOCOLATE!
What?
What would it hurt!

Teresa DeVito
11-08-2010, 03:29 PM
Patt, your words of wisdom always cut through all the BS and leave things lying in the open for understanding. You are a great teacher, woman, being. I love you. My heart is full of energy for you. I send it to you daily. Be well, Patt. We are all surrounding you with positiveness. Please stay with us. Namaste~

juniper
11-09-2010, 09:10 AM
Patt, I cried when I read this. It really sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang in there woman, if there is anything I can do for you.....
just ask. XXX

PMilam
11-09-2010, 12:54 PM
Thank you.

artteacher
11-11-2010, 07:32 AM
Thinking of you this morning, Patt,,,,I know you are a strong lady!,,,,,
Sending rays of healing light and love filled with Johnny Depp angels to watch over you and your family,,,,:hug:

DaBee
11-11-2010, 02:56 PM
...and John Travolta angels, too! Good day for you I hope, Patt.

chou
11-12-2010, 08:50 AM
Patt ~~ in your words ~" grace .... will deliver us "~ rang in me as I read them ~~ you are a goddess of light & wisdom ~~ so many surrounding & embracing you with their personal forms of light & love ~~ nothing can harm you now ~~ you are radiant in our hearts ~~ we are near & you are blessed ~~ love Chou

Bravis
11-13-2010, 12:20 PM
Hi Patt, we have never been formally introduced, how ever I have heard of all the wonderful things you do and say for our community. I am a patient of Dr. Milam and he is wonderful to us. I would love to be able to help. My partner and I both are Reiki Healers and would love to be able to help. We can come to you and bring the energy with us. We would be so blessed to help such a wonderful woman and family. Please let me know, Dr. Milam has our number at the office please call. Blessings to you dear lady, and may the angels wrap their wings around you!

eurekadeb
11-15-2010, 02:49 PM
sending wonderful healing thoughts to Ms. Patt and her great family!!!

PMilam
11-23-2010, 07:08 AM
I cannot put in words how I know and feel the energy from so many people. It is enough to not only lift me up, but to keep my family lifted up also.
I am so blessed.. even in knowing that my time here is not going to be long... or so they say... it is rich and full.. and each of you has contributed to this life. I've learned so much... and have come to cyberly know so many people.. it's mind boggling. And many of you I've known for what seems like a lifetime... new friends old friends, all tribe members.
Even met new tribe members through this. T&D... talkin' bout you!

having kidney drains removed today, and seeing the oncologist. My beautiful son and niece will take me.. she's an RN and has been taking good care of me. So blessed to have a personal doc, RN and LPN!!!

Blessed, blessed, blessed... as you are too... don't forget to take a look around you today at all that beauty, love and fortune that surrounds you.

A special thanks to DaBee.. my dear DaBee, who has kept you posted.. and has wrapped her soul around mine in comfort.

I don't even know who all else to thank.. cards, flowers, food, groceries, support for my family... and your beaming lights... but somewhere our souls meet... and I know..

I'm also so grateful for having had that time at the PDA with so many of you. I'm sure that's what kept me going that last week before my only helicopter ride. I couldn't believe I stood up for an hour there.. I think the longest time I've stood since the end of Sept!

I know there is more.. but gotta get ready for Fyville and Rogers..

much love and with so much gratitude for your caring.

DaBee
11-23-2010, 07:23 AM
Love you, Patt. May all go well today. Hugs and kisses to Ben and Phaedra.
Happy, happy Thanksgiving to all of the Farars and Milams.

MotherMoon12
11-23-2010, 09:22 AM
Love.

juniper
11-23-2010, 09:50 AM
{Love Hug}

JrtLover
11-23-2010, 10:46 AM
Love ya Patt!!!!

Vicki Webster
11-23-2010, 01:26 PM
Patt, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Even though we have never actually met face to face I feel like many do, that I know you. I have been fortunate enough to have had several strong, authentic, honest women in my life and you are one of them. Thank you for all you
have shared and taught me. I hope that you know what a difference you have made in so many lives. Bless you!

tizzy
11-23-2010, 06:22 PM
(((Patt)))

Max Boydstun
11-23-2010, 08:35 PM
As Jake says, "Life is good."
Sending love & prayers.

PMilam
11-24-2010, 11:11 AM
My heart is full. I am grateful, thank you.

Max, your pm box is full.

DaBee
11-24-2010, 02:43 PM
Wowzers....that was another 11:11, Patt!

Zachary House
11-24-2010, 08:39 PM
Patt, I don't know you either, as some have said here on geekfest, however I know Julia, and Craig is my dr. as well as my husbands dr., and I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you!!! I have read so many of your posts on geekfest, and I feel like I know you! You have to be the strongest person I know and I will continue to pray for you and your family!

Max Boydstun
11-25-2010, 05:16 PM
Happy Thanksgiving Patt.
:gotgreenies:

PMilam
11-27-2010, 07:55 AM
It's been great.. loving life.. family, friends.. and good food.. even tho I eat a childs portion, it's an earthly delight!!

Thank you all for your kind, loving words.. makes my heart sing.

Bravis
11-27-2010, 10:45 AM
Happy Holidays Milam family.Remember all the Love that has blessed this earth because of your family.Please know we all are giving back to you every minute of every day. My hands are laying on your heart to share all the love and peace one person can feel for another! With much love and understanding from the 3 of us. Ronnie, Bridget and Ms. Margie Ridenour. Craig and children you are in our hearts and let our arms be the strength you need to hold you up. Do you all have your decorations up, can I help, I will be happy to bring a tree and decorate it if you need. Much Universal Love to all of you!